And..…in the blink of an eye, years have passed, and I find myself middle-aged still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up! Sometimes I wonder how it happened. How did I get to be almost 50 years old? You know, I’ve been thinking about life and have come to the realization that I am on the downhill slide of this journey and still searching for answers!
I recently checked out a book at the library called, “A Weekend to Change your Life”, by Joan Anderson. She also wrote the book called, "A Year by the Sea", which I really enjoyed. In this book, one of the things that she suggested was to look back on the past year and write down the times you did something just for yourself; for your happiness. She said in most cases, people can’t remember anything they did just for themselves. She suggested that you should deliberately do things each day, each week, each month just for yourself; something for You…to make You happy, to make You feel good. Take a blank calendar and each time you do something that makes you happy, maybe a massage, a manicure, a nature hike, getting a treat at Starbuck’s, whatever it may be, put a star on the calendar for that day. Before you know it, your calendar will sparkle with all the stars you have ‘earned’....earned by doing something for yourself! You will feel better each time you look at the calendar covered in stars!
I have also been reading, “The Ultimate Happiness Prescription”, by Deepak Chopra. He says that “The purpose of life is the expansion of happiness. Happiness is the goal of every other goal.” Chopra shares a happiness formula that current research has provided: (H = S + C + V) or Happiness = Set Point plus Conditions of Living plus Voluntary Activities. The following explanations of the different elements in the formula come directly from Chopra’s book:
1. Set Point – The brain’s set point determines how naturally happy you are. Unhappy people have a brain mechanism that interprets situations as problems. Happy people, on the other hand, have a brain mechanism that interprets the very same situations as opportunities. According to researchers, a person’s set point is responsible for something like 40 percent of the experience of happiness. Apparently, this set point is partly genetic. If your parents were unhappy, you have a higher likelihood of being unhappy as well. But there are also childhood influences to take into account. A child’s neurons mirror the emotions of adults around him, leading the child to actually feel what his parents feel. So if a youngster is surrounded by unhappy adults, his nervous system will be programmed for unhappiness, even before he has any cause for unhappiness himself. When you see the brain has a set point for happiness, traceable either to genetics or childhood influences, it’s all too easy to conclude that nothing can be done about it. However, this would be a mistake, because neither the brain nor your genes are fixed structures; instead, they are in process every minute of your life, constantly changing and evolving. You are still being influenced at the genetic level by new experiences. Every choice you make sends chemical signals coursing through your brain, including the choice to be happy, and each signal helps to shape the brain from year to year. In the overall picture, research has shown that the brain’s set point can be changed by the following:
Drugs that act as mood elevators, which work only in the short term and have side effects.
Cognitive Therapy, which changes the brain by helping us change our limiting beliefs. We all tell ourselves stories in our heads that provoke unhappiness. Repeating the same negative belief over and over creates neural pathways that reinforce negativity by turning it into a habitual way of thinking. Such beliefs can be replaced with others that are not simply more positive, but are a better match with reality. In treating patients whose lives are dominated by negative beliefs, psychologists have found that altering really fundamental beliefs can be as effective in changing brain chemistry as prescribing drugs. The saying, "Think Happy Thoughts" seems to apply!
Meditation which alters the brain in many positive ways. The physical effects of sitting quietly and going inward are amazingly extensive. It took a long time to unravel the puzzle. Researchers had to work against the Western assumption that meditation was mystical or at best a kind of religious practice. Now we realize that it activates the prefrontal cortex-the seat of higher thinking-and stimulates the release of neurotransmitters, including dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and brain opiates. Each of these naturally occurring brain chemicals has been linked to different aspects of happiness. Dopamine is an antidepressant; serotonin is associated with increased self-esteem; oxytocin is now believed to be the pleasure hormone; opiates are the body’s painkillers, which also provide the exhilaration associated with runner’s high. It should be obvious, then, that meditation, by creating higher levels of these neurotransmitters, is a more effective way of changing the brain’s set point for happiness. No single drug can simultaneously choreograph the coordinated release of all these chemicals.
2. Conditions of Living – Because we all want to improve our quality of life, we take it for granted that moving from bad conditions to good ones will make us happier. But apparently this factor accounts for only 7-12% of the total happiness experience. If you win the lottery, for example, at first you’ll be ecstatically happy. But by the end of the year, you will have returned to your baseline level of happiness or unhappiness. After five years, most lottery winners report that the experience has actually made their lives worse. Experts on stress have coined the term “eustress” to describe the stress caused by intensely pleasurable experiences. We all think we’d like to experience this, yet the body cannot tell the difference between eustress and distress. Either one can trigger the stress reaction. If you don’t adapt well to stress, good experiences can be just as taxing as bad ones to your heart, endocrine system, and other vital organs and systems.
Much like happy events, tragic circumstances, such as a death in the family, a bitter divorce, or a catastrophe, do not significantly influence a person’s level of happiness in the long term. People have a remarkable ability to adapt to outer circumstances. As Darwin said, “The most important factor in survival is neither intelligence nor strength but adaptability.” Emotional resilience, the ability to bounce back after something bad happens, is also one of the strongest indicators for who will live to be 100. Bad things happen to everyone, but being able to adapt afterword is a valuable trait that we come by naturally. Our remarkable ability to adapt explains why living conditions score so low as indicators of overall happiness.
3. Voluntary Activities – Almost 50% of the happiness formula depends on the third factor, V, or voluntary activities–the things we choose to do every day! What kind of choice makes us happy? One kind is based on personal pleasure, but surprisingly, researchers didn’t find that these were the most significant. Increasing your personal pleasure by eating a good meal, drinking champagne, having sex, going to a movie, and so on will bring a temporary kind of happiness, for a few hours or at most a day or two. Instant gratification is followed by rapid fall-off. Another kind of choice promotes creative expression or the happiness of another person. In both cases a deeper level of the self is being accessed. According to researchers, making other people happy proves to be a fast track to happiness, and its effect is long lasting. Turning to creative expression to make yourself happy can also generate positive results that last a lifetime.
This, in a nutshell, is what current research tells us. However, just knowing the happiness formula doesn’t guarantee true or lasting happiness. Only the third factor, V, reaches into the inner life of a person, opening the door to the only place where I believe we can truly find the secret of happiness.
So that is the beginning of Deepak Chopra’s book. He continues with the happiness prescription by providing seven keys to joy and enlightenment. The seven keys are: 1. Be aware of your body. 2. Find true self-esteem. 3. Detoxify your life. 4. Give up being right. 5. Focus on the present. 6. See the world in yourself. 7. Live for enlightenment.
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There are so many different viewpoints about happiness, but the two major things mentioned by Chopra on the path to find happiness are creative expression and promoting the happiness of others. Sometimes in life we can’t control things, but we can control our activities. By the same token, we can try to think positive and also we can try to remain calm and adapt better whenever bad things do happen. Remember the saying, “Don’t sweat the small stuff!”
And of course, promoting the happiness of others is always fun! In another book by Deepak Chopra called, “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success”, he states: ”The more you give, the more you will receive. Anytime you come in contact with anyone, give them something. It doesn’t have to be in the form of material things; it could be a flower, a compliment, or a prayer. In fact, the most powerful forms of giving are non-material. The gifts of caring, attention, appreciation and love are some of the most precious gifts you can give, and they don’t cost you anything.”
This makes me think of another fantastic gem of a little book by Pastor Mike Breaux called “Making Ripples”. Pastor Breaux writes, “You can make ripples by doing good for someone else, who will in turn do good for someone else and so on until before you know it a lot of people’s lives have been touched with passion and purpose. You can make a difference in this world!”
Which leads me to contemplate the joy I feel by making someone else happy by my actions. For example, Christmas! I get a warm and fuzzy feeling inside when I watch my family and friends open presents from me. I think that is also the reason why I enjoy my pen-pals so much; because I know when they receive a card or a note from me, it will make them feel better! I know it makes my day when I get something in the mail. I also enjoy giving little treats or gifts to the children in my life. I’m sure that you can come up with a list of things that you have done which make you happy….by making someone else happy! According to Breaux, I am “Making Ripples” that will continue to grow! Perhaps we can expand on the idea given by Joan Anderson about placing a star on the calendar whenever we do something for ourselves. I think it would be a good idea to also place stars on the calendar whenever we do something for someone else! Just think, the calendar will be full of stars and will make us smile!
Sometimes I get the feeling that I am trying to put a puzzle together! I haven’t found all of the pieces yet, but with each book of wisdom I read, each book that contains thoughts on happiness or feeling better about life, I’m one step closer to completing the puzzle!
I have shared some things that I have read about happiness, but I have failed to share what I found concerning happiness and giving from the greatest book of all....the Bible.
Happy is the man who finds wisdom and understanding for the gain from it is better than gain from silver and profit better than gold. Proverbs 3:13,14
It is more blessed to give than to receive. Acts 20:35
Make me walk along the path of your commands, for that is where my happiness is found. Psalm 119:35
